Special End of Summer 2016 LLR Report Part 3

Venus Odelisque

Car Accident! Neck Surgery? Computer harddrive wiped*#! PART THREE

Ok, so had a car accident, contemplated neck surgery through two surgeon consults and decided to live in a very restricted manner for at least a month. In addition to these two compelling physically exasperating experiences; my computer hard drive imploded. Yep, my computer croaked, on my birthday, August 1st, while I was trying to show off the pictures Sheena Davis took at Surrender to friends who had gathered on my back porch. The Computer was only capable of showing a white screen with a faint grey scale symbol for No, (It is a circle with a diagonal line running from bottom left to top right, Imagine the Ghost busters symbol with no ghost in it).

I decided to leave my computer alone for a while. Clearly the Universe wanted me to slow down and do internal work. I did not deal with the computer before leaving for Gender Camp on Aug 9th, I just did not want to.

Oh yes, another birthday present I received was that my Dr. Joanna K. May told me that my blood sugar levels have officially reached diabetes level. A word of advice, do not schedule docotr’s appointments on your 54th birthday.

Back to the Hard Drive

Trying to fit the assessment and repair of my computer hard drive into the complex situation of immense neck pain and right hand numbness and unanticipatable, stunningly incapacitating, intermitent shooting pain in these areas has been incredibly difficult and time consuming. I tried to outsource this problem by having Tracey and Mark work on getting the computer to Apple during my time at Gender Camp. When I came back they reported that Apple could not help me unless I had a back up of the computer available. Then there was a week when I asked Mark to go through all the external hard drives he could find in our house and search for an old data back up. He did not find one. Then I remembered my old Apple time machine that had stopped working due to a fan issue sometime when we lived at Oxytocin Acre. I found the time machine in the garage after a few days and made another genius bar appt. I went to an appointment at the genius bar with the time machine, my iphone, the computer and a iPad that I have had for 2 years and never really used (learning how to use it had been a steep learning curve that I never had time to take in).Getting all these things to go into the Apple store with me was an ordeal because I am not supposed to carry more than 1lb. The apple genius detected a back up on the time machine from Oct 29, 2014. I realized that the data I was most concerned about losing permanently; unedited podcasts and interviews from 2011-2014, were likely on that back up. I carefully wrote the instructions for restoring the drive from the back up. At home Mark peer-counseled me as I followed the direction of plugging the time machne into an ethernet cord and into the router. The Apple guy said the transfer would take 3-4 hours. It took 30 hours and at the end of it, while the data had transferred, the time machine fan was malfunctioning again. I am supposed to transfer the data on my phone and ipad to the computer I am typing on right now. The prospect of doing this and all the tech support and help I will need to do it has kept me from completing these tasks. What this means is that my contact lists, Skype apps, passwords for apps and email accounts etc are outdated and do not work with ease and flow.  I need help and I need enough pain free time to get the help of calling Apple helpline and listening  to their instructions to acheinve this. The idea of it exhausts me.

All of this is to explain why it is Sept. 10th and my Sept newsletter did not come out yet. I am typing this moring because of the awesome healing treatments I am getting from Mitch Stargrove of Wellspring Natural Health and the many prayers and well wishes of others and, believe it or not, medical marijuana. I am so grateful it is legal in Portland, OR to purchase high CDB salves and oils. After an entire month of using a “White Cream” made for me at community compounding pharmacy that costs $500 and works to make extreme pain bouts tolerable, last night I tried something else.

Mary Jane to the Rescue

I took someone’s advice yesterday, Sept 9th and went to FARMA on Hawthorn and bought some LEIF MEDICINALS WOOD BALM which contains olive oil, coconut oil, tucuma butter, full extract cannabis oil (313.6mgTHC and 37.24mg CDB), Arnica oil, beeswax, vitamin E and essential oils of cedarwood and Orange.

After applying this balm to my neck with the Goldenseal oil from Mitch Stargrove my pain level was reduced to a level 2-3 for the rest of the day and on into the evening. I was able to type on the computer and read my own article (The Line, The Cross and the Circle: How Magick Begins) in Casandra John’s Numen Naturae: The Magician’s Wand that had just arrived in the mail. I posted stuff on Facebook. I felt “NORMAL”. This seemed like a fucking miracle. Just being able to use the computer.

I want you to know that I actually have NOT been able to do very basic things, like get into a bath tub without the assurance of someone being available to help me out again. I bent my head to get something out of the washing machine last friday night and was rewarded with a stunning (pain level 9) headache that made it impossible for me to sleep on my back. This also caused made it very difficult just to bear consciousness. Mark bought me a therapeutic pillow with neck curves on Sunday and sleeping with that made the headache move around again. Do you realize that wiping your ass involves a lot of movement from your neck and shoulders? I never had to think about the physical reality of that before.

I have been using the Harlequin tincture that I made, a few full droppers full before bed time to help me sleep and I have been using the green salve a friend of mine makes to help with my knee, hip and lower back pain for over a year. It is so interesting to me that I still maintain a prejudice against pain medications and specifically marijuana. I adopted an anti-stoner stance sometime in my teenage years because my Dad was a regular consumer of marijuana and therefore it was not cool. I still got high with friends but somehow maintained that it was a different thing altogether. It is comic to see this hypocrisy in myself. I am also surprised and entertained to see that I still have strong biases against “getting high”. I hear myself talking earnestly about how I only like CDB pain releaving medical marijuana, not THC because I am uncomfortable with the sensation of being high. At FARMA, the employee who sold me edible and topical medical marijuana explained to me that the presence of the THC made the CDB’s work better.

I came to a new understanding and I am having to confront my own hypocrisy. I actually need to be in an altered state to deeply rest and heal my neck. Marijuana is about to be my new ecosexy relationship. I am goign to learn about this magickal plant from a respectful prespective and get rid of the vestiges of socialization that allows me to be dismissive of “stoners”. In my teachings I am regularly talking about the importance of liminal states and “non Beta consciousness” and yet, I myself am frightened of losing control of my consciousness. I have had a prejudice against people who are not clear headed, for whatever reason and yet I regularly (once or twice a month these days, a lot more last summer) get drunk for no real reason, socially or alone on my porch. I am now interested in seeing the healing of my neck as an intentional exploration of altered states of consciousness. It is my direct expereince that I have much less pain when I leave beta focused consciousness. I have gone to Float On and done isloation floats three times, whih bring a lot of pain reflief. Listening to guided visualizations, listening to the recordings of Reggie Ray from Dathun 2011-12, and listening to music (all of these medias were threatened in my hard drive crash) are what brings me relief right now. If any of you would like to come over and hang out with me while I enjoy these activities, give me a call. It is going to take a while for me to get around to the newsletter. Reading is hard because holding a book is hard, which sucks because I LOVE reading. I have to stop typing now becaue my arm and head are both pounding. I love you. Please feel free to get in touch as I am really not able to travel much and I am afraid of being isolated. I also have watched all the mainstream media I can stomach on Netflicks. So I guess I am going to go lay down now, with my new plant friend and see what it can teach me about healing. Oxytocin, Plant magic, liminal states between waking and sleep, it’s all so ecosexy….



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